I Still Remember
by Megz McGizzle
Summary: Scott could never wipe away the memories and scars of their year without Alan. During a stay on Thunderbird 5, he recalls the horrors of the erased year with two of his brothers. Follow-up to "Time is Not Always Set in Stone".


**Errr, so, I'm back!**

**I know this might not be one of the updates many of you were hoping for, but I needed a quick refresher to get the cobwebs out of my writing gears. Anyway, this little plot bunny kept nibbling at me...Couldn't help myself. Just so you know, this is set nearly a year after the events of my other story, "Time is Not Always Set in Stone".  
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**I have to give a lot of credit to the people who have continued to review and support me and encourage me to continue, even in my long absences. I promise you, your reviews and pleas have not gone unheard. I just needed a bit of time to...get my spark back. That's all I can really describe it as. :) You guys rock, thank you so much.**

**Most of all, thanks to Criminally Charmed, my fantastic beta and friend who's stuck by me even through my months-long disappearances. Like I've told her before - and she knows - she's awesome. :)**

**Done with my babbling...Enjoy!  


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"Gordon!"

The surprised yelp came from outside Scott's door. Scott rolled over lazily, annoyed at the sound but grateful that it at least wasn't at an ungodly-early time. His brothers were famous for finding unique ways to cheat him from getting a decent night's sleep. He also didn't have the luxury of having daylight to wake him, as they were currently floating nearly 220 miles above the Earth in Thunderbird 5.

Scott stretched his aching muscles. After the thermal control center had blown a fuse, Scott and Gordon had been sent up with massive amounts of machinery for repairs and cautionary extras, as well as much-needed supplies such as food – especially John's beloved chocolate. Carrying the heavy equipments and bulky packages, as well as helping John try to fix the colossal circuitry boards, put enough strain on the three that they decided to rest a while before heading back to base. Peace and quiet was being treasured by the Tracy sons for the moment. At least, they were - until Scott heard the yelling.

"Dammit, Gordon!" he heard again. Giving up, he rolled out of the cot. Sighing, Scott made his way to the door, yawning as he surveyed the area for any damage from Gordon.

What he found made him snort in amusement.

Gordon, on one hand, was sitting on the floor, trying not to fall over in his merciless laughter. John, on the other, was standing over him, glaring – and covered head-to-toe in blue goop. He seemed to be fuming so deeply that the only thing he could do was stand and try to figure out how to slay the younger boy in front of him.

When he noticed Scott's arrival, John turned his glare towards his older brother, though Scott knew the anger was still towards Gordon – who happened to still be laughing.

"Guess who put blue paint in my shower head this morning?" John growled through clenched teeth, turning his glare back to Gordon.

Scott couldn't help but laugh as he took a seat at the command center. "I want to say the Smurfs," he contemplated nonchalantly before adding with a smirk, "You'd make a nice addition."

John finally turned his aggravated glower towards the eldest Tracy brother, before stalking off, muttering about another shower.

"Nice touch," Gordon snickered, finally regaining his composure. He took a seat next to Scott, putting his feet up on the control board before taking them down under Scott's withering look. "I knew it would be a good day today!"

"You're in a good mood," Scott observed, checking each screen for notifications or unusual weather patterns. Luckily, no one seemed to be in urgent distress for the last few hours.

"It's just one of those days, I guess," Gordon sighed, leaning back once more but keeping his feet down.

As Scott continued to check the monitors, he missed the fact that his 2nd youngest brother's face had fallen in to a contemplative gaze. "You know," Gordon drawled slowly, his voice softer, "It's almost been two years now. I didn't even realize…"

Scott tensed, shocked at the sudden change in mood. He knew what Gordon was talking about.

It was nearly two years to the day that the Hood had returned, and nearly killed their youngest brother – and, as Scott still remembered, in another time, succeeded.

God, had it really almost been another year since then? It was still dizzying for Scott to think that Alan was alive and well, as though nothing had ever happened. As if that year never happened…

"What was it like?" Gordon asked solemnly, his eyes still staring out into the open space in front of them dazedly. His brows furrowed as though he were trying to picture it, yet fighting against the image at the same time.

Scott swallowed the lump in his throat. "What was what like?" He knew the answer, but didn't really want to face what Gordon was asking him.

Gordon sighed knowingly, in a way relieved himself. "You don't have to talk about it."

A long silence stretched between the two, neither knowing what to say – whether to face the topic or not.

Finally Scott, with a less steady voice, answered, "It…It was like being in a nightmare, but never waking up…Wanting to just open your eyes and find out everything's okay, but knowing it never will." He could feel his eyes clouding with tears, but he wouldn't allow them to escape. Gordon stayed silent. Scott had to force himself to calm before he could continue.

"I…All of us…We didn't know what to do. We all cried for ages, even me," Scott admitted hollowly. Gordon seemed surprised by this, yet still kept quiet. He knew it was hard for his brother to talk about this. "I remember…at his funeral, when they started lowering his casket...you broke down. You kept yelling his name, saying he was too young…saying you weren't ready." Gordon shifted embarrassedly at that, but Scott quickly continued, "I couldn't blame you; I almost wanted to do the same thing...I wanted to jump in and open the casket, and see him grinning up at me and saying it was just a prank…I hardly slept after that. You saw how long my nightmares went after Alan was alive."

Scott couldn't believe he'd said so much, but he felt relieved. He hadn't talked much to anyone about what had happened, let alone tell any of his brothers how they'd each broken down and just about cried themselves into near stupors. A short silence filled the air as each brother coped with what he'd just relayed.

"How did Dad take it?" John's voice asked from the hallway. The other two turned to find him standing in his pajama pants, his towel draped around his shoulders and his hair still dripping. His eyes looked somber as he took the third seat next to Gordon. It took a moment for Scott to answer.

"Not well," was all he could say for a minute as he took a shaky breath. "He looked awful, he hardly ate…We barely even saw him much, he was up in his office so much." Scott looked towards the open space for a moment, before clenching his eyes shut. He _refused_ to let his emotions overwhelm him – not in front of his brothers. "We…We thought we were going to lose him, at the rate he was going."

Once more, silence filled the station.

"The worst part," Scott muttered, "was that I was there…and I didn't stop it. I saw the dagger, I saw Dad, I saw Alan at the last moment…and I didn't get there in time. I didn't protect him."

As much as Scott struggled against it, two tears made their way from his eyes. He could almost feel the shock radiating off of his brothers at the sight. He gave up the struggle at this point, and opening his eyes towards the stars, he continued one final time, "I didn't tell him goodbye…I didn't tell him I love him."

Never – NEVER – had Scott ever shown such weakness to his brothers. Yes, he'd shown some when he'd broken down the day after "returning" from the past, but he was able to credit some of that to the delirium. This…This was his first show of true and utter vulnerability. It was almost unsettling, yet at the same time comforting.

None of the three moved for quite some time, before Gordon interrupted the silence. "He's here now though," he offered shakily, bringing his own tears to his brothers' attention.

Scott, who'd been staring out in space, gave a slight smile of gratitude to his 2nd youngest brother – glad he was still 2nd – and sighed contentedly. "Good thing," was all he managed to say. While simple, the meaning of the words was not lost on the other two.

"Tracy Island to Thunderbird 5," Jeff's voice suddenly broke out over the speakers as his face appeared on one of the screens, making the three jump in surprise

"Thunderbird 5 here," John replied shakily, "Go ahead, Dad."

Jeff's eyebrows rose as he looked over his sons. "Are you boys alright? What happened?"

Gordon couldn't help but chuckle sarcastically. "Group therapy session." Scott and John also laughed quietly a bit at the title.

Jeff's face turned into further confusion, but he felt it best to let it drop. "I was just checking to see if you boys were finished with the repairs and ready to come home. John, Brains says he's prepared to take his shift on Thunderbird 5 if you're ready to take a break."

"Yeah, a break sounds pretty good," John sighed with a smile. "We'll be home soon, Dad."

"F.A.B…" Jeff trailed off, still wary of his sons' odd behavior. He gave them one last suspicious look before cutting the link.

"Probably thinks we've gone crazy…" Scott muttered, amused and in a much better mood, as he went to collect his things, the other two not far behind.

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After a short trip home and a quick change of clothes, Scott and Gordon walked out to the patio while John went to get drinks, stretching as the warm sun met their skin. Scott was grateful to be back home, ready to take a few laps in the pool, relax in the sun, and get some decent food. He definitely wasn't as fond of living on Thunderbird 5 as John.

It wasn't long, however, until the tranquility was broken by Virgil and Alan rushing past them, Virgil remaining close on Alan's heels, screaming "ALAN!" Another prank, Scott assumed.

Gordon and Alan really were too much alike.

In fact, when Virgil ended up slipping head first into the pool and resurfacing with a glare, both Alan and Gordon broke out into a fit of laughter. Gordon seemed to come across a sobering thought however, and walked somberly up to his only younger brother.

Alan, however, took this as a covert way of lulling him into a sense of security, and immediately got into a defensive stance. "Don't you dare," he warned – they were too close to the pool.

Gordon smiled and shrugged. He walked up to the defensive Alan, who was still rather tense, and wrapped his arms around the younger boy.

"Just wanted to say I love ya, Sprout," Gordon said seriously, so only Alan could hear.

Alan, shocked, relaxed his arms and warily returned the hug. "I love you too?"

Gordon sighed and pulled back, putting his hands on Alan's shoulders. Smiling, he calmly continued, "I also wanted to say sorry."

"Sorry for – "

Gordon suddenly shoved Alan to the side with all of his might, sending the young blonde flailing ungracefully into the pool water next to the now amused Virgil. "Sorry for that!" he yelled out, cackling as he ran away before Alan could reach the edge of the pool.

Scott, who was watching the entire scene play out, smiled in content. It was good to have everything back to normal…

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, and he turned to face his father.

"So," Jeff thought aloud as his two youngest ran about the back patio like madmen. "Are you going to tell me what happened up on Thunderbird 5?"

Scott chuckled, putting his arm around his father. "Like Gordon said, group therapy session."

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**  
Perhaps a bit OOC, but I'll leave that up to you. :)**

**Review? It would be nice to get a bit of feedback after not writing for so long ;)**

**Megz**


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